Purpose: Are you living yours?

When it comes to purpose, I have a unique perspective as I have been to many places as an avid traveler, and worked in many industries as a life-long learner and jack of all trades…master of none? Actually, I am a master of ONE trade. This one. Coach and confidant.

I didn’t always know that. And that’s part of my perspective. I wasn’t sure about my purpose. I had it wrong in some ways, and other ways, I was simply afraid to claim it. I had to learn to lean into my purpose. Even while I was in a role that was perfect for me. My title was Health Coach, but I had to move into another phase of starting a business. My company was about health and wellness, but it had to fit into corporate settings and it had to be growing. So, while my days were spent helping people with their goals and being the very thing that I felt destined to be, even then, I wasn’t really doing that. I was just trying to fit into a box that I thought I wanted to be in.

But, I didn’t realize that.

At the time, the box looked great. It was comfortable. I was trying to fit into a box that I didn’t fit into, but it seemed right. I was trying to be “what I was supposed to be” and do “what I was supposed to do”. The only way to do that was to try to make everything about advancement and growth. I wasn’t able to enjoy the day-to-day without an eye on how it was advancing or growing into something else. Something bigger. Something that looked more like what “it was supposed to look like”.

There are a whole series adventures, wins and losses, and many therapy sessions that have brought me to the point where I can even see this. The point where I can realize that my purpose is mine and I am free to choose what I do with it. I am free to choose how I use my skills, where I use my skills, what I choose to do…no one else gets to decide any of that. I can choose it all.  

One of the realizations I had was that I was trying to become something different. I was trying to be someone that “I was supposed to be”. That works for short periods when you just need to have a specific title or be part of certain meetings. It works as long as you are doing things that are true to you. But as soon as you start veering away from who you really are, it is only a matter of time before stress and burnout gets the best of you.

You will really struggle if you are not aligned to your purpose. But how do you know? How do you know if you are aligned with your purpose or not?

It’s actually a lot simpler than you think. It’s certainly simpler than I thought.

All you have to do is ask. Really ask yourself honestly. The honest question you have to ask yourself is quite simple: Am I doing what I want to do?

It’s not even as complex as “what is my purpose” or “am I living my purpose”. That is what it comes down to on a higher level, but it has to start with the simplest of questions: “Am I doing what I want to do?”

You may not like the answer. In fact, you may even be terrified to ask the question. I was. I was terrified to admit that what I was doing was making me miserable. I knew that if I admitted that I wanted to do something different, I would have to make a choice. My choice was simple: Keep doing what I know is not for me or of me or start doing more of what I really want to do, what is really for me, by me and just…me.

That’s the simplest way to put it: If you are not living your purpose, you are going to struggle. You are going to find barrier after barrier. You will be tired. You will find it hard to focus. You will feel down and feel like you are not good enough. No matter how hard you try to be something that isn’t authentic to yourself, you are never going to feel like it’s enough. You will always wonder if the people around you “bought it” or if they can tell you were really struggling to bring the energy or if they will see through the mask you have to wear in order to fit the part you are playing.

So, fast forward to today: I’m living my truth, living authentically as me. I wasn’t lying before. I wasn’t pretending. I am coaching again now, so it feels more authentic. But back then I was trying to move in another direction. One example is my insistence on fitting wellness into the corporate space. I needed that to be the foundation and it had to be growing with more and more employees. That was how I was measuring success. I was just trying to be what I thought people around me wanted me to be. It’s not wrong. In fact, it’s very common. Most of us are doing that, sadly.

Most of us are living some version of life that fits the narrative they’ve been given. We are measuring our success with other people’s criteria. Maybe it’s your family, or friends, or just what you always aspired to be. But we don’t often realize that these aspirations, while they sound good, they may not have been our idea in the first place. We may have just taken feedback from those around us and shaped our aspirations based on that.  

We all do it to some degree. But we don’t have to. We can choose to do what we want. We can measure our success on our own criteria. Or, better yet, we can measure success as being true to ourselves. We can do what brings us joy. We can live our purpose.   

But first, we have to have the courage to ask yourself the question: Am I living my purpose?

Well, are you?