Self-care: Put Your Own Mask On

Put Your Own Mask On

In the airline safety briefing, they have a consistent message:

“Put your own mask on before assisting others”.

You’ve heard it before on every flight. It sounds obvious in that scenario. If I run out of breath while trying to help someone else, we are both in trouble. It makes sense when we think of safety at 30,000 feet. BUT, it’s a lot harder to live on the ground.

Most people I work with are wired to take care of others first. We have family, work, team, and all kinds of responsibilities. Over time, that starts to feel normal. Each of these is necessary and can even become part of our identity.

But there’s a cost.

When your energy is low, your patience shortens. Your clarity fades. Your ability to show up the way you want to starts to slip, even if your intentions haven’t changed.

A few things to remember when thinking about self-care:

First, a disclaimer: Self-care is as simple as doing what you need for yourself. I’m not talking about some commercial option that costs you a bunch of money or requires an expensive membership. I’m just literally talking about taking care of yourself. Whatever that looks like for you.

·         Self-care isn’t stepping away from your responsibilities. It’s what allows you to meet them consistently.

·         Taking care of yourself first isn’t selfish. It’s what makes everything else sustainable.

·         Self-care isn’t ignoring anyone else. It is focusing on what you need.

·         Self-care is putting your mask on first.

It’s one of those messages you’ve heard so many times it almost fades into the background. Before every flight, the same instruction:
“In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others.” It’s clear. Logical. No one questions it. And yet, on the ground, in our everyday lives, most people live the exact opposite way.

Why do we get this backwards?

Most of the people I work with take pride in being dependable. They show up for their families, their teams, their work, all their obligations. No matter what is on the list, they handle what needs to be handled.

That’s what most of us do. Over time, that becomes our identity. It’s not bad, but the problem is that it slowly conditions you to ignore your own needs. You push through fatigue. You delay recovery. You assume you’ll “get to it later.” But later rarely comes…if ever.

The Cost of Running on Empty

At first, it’s subtle. Energy dips. Patience shortens. Small things feel heavier than they should. You’re still showing up, but not in the way you want to. Over time, it compounds.

Decision-making becomes harder. Stress feels louder. Recovery slows down. You start reacting instead of responding. Not because you’ve changed, but because your capacity has changed. It is lower when you are depleted.

Self-Care Isn’t What People Think

Self-care gets misunderstood. This goes back to my disclaimer: It’s often framed as stepping away, checking out, or doing something indulgent. But, in reality, it’s much more practical than that. Self-care is many things that we all need. It is:  

Sleep
Movement
Creating space
Resetting your mind
Eating in a way that supports your energy
Setting boundaries that protect your time and attention

It’s the foundation that allows everything else to work.

You Show Up With What You Have

The reason the airplane message is so direct is because it has to be. If you don’t have oxygen, you can’t help anyone else. The same principle applies here. If your energy is depleted, your ability to lead, support, and connect is limited. No matter how much you care, you can’t fill anyone’s cup from an empty bucket. (to add another metaphor)

Taking care of yourself first doesn’t take away from others. It directly impacts what you’re able to give them. Once you start thinking about it that way, you will “allow yourself” to do it. You will “forgive” or “excuse” the energy spent on yourself.

What This Looks Like in Practice

This doesn’t require a complete overhaul. It usually starts with a few simple shifts:

·         Make List – write down a few priorities you have in your life. Maybe it starts with what’s been more challenging lately. Maybe it’s something you’ve noticed you haven’t made time for a in a while.

Specific examples: protecting sleep instead of sacrificing it, building movement into your week consistently, creating small windows to reset during the day, paying attention to early signs of fatigue instead of pushing past them, to name a few

None of these are complicated. They just require intention. These are all things we would say we “should” be doing and if asked a hundred times, we’d say we want to do these things ninety-nine times.

The Bigger Picture

Putting your mask on first isn’t about prioritizing yourself over others. It’s about recognizing that how you take care of yourself shapes how you show up everywhere else. In other words, when your energy is steady, your thinking is clearer. When you’re recovered, you’re more patient. When you feel grounded, you respond instead of react.

That’s what the people around you will actually benefit from. And trust me, they see the difference. They feel the difference. They know when you’ve cared for you and when you are letting others’ priorities choose for you.

If you want to lead well, support others, and stay consistent over time, this isn’t optional. It’s foundational. And it starts with you. What are you doing to care for yourself today?